Current Exercise and Weight Loss Goals

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Zen Sarcasms

Jocelyn (my sister) emailed these to me. I found them very valuable and helpful. I think you will too.

1. Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn , so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed...... skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.
13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put back in your pocket.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
17. There are two theories to arguing with a women - Neither one works.
18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


Mama D said...

Thanks for the laugh! There are some great ones listed, but I think the last one is particularly hilarious! Thanks for the chance to smile and enjoy the simple pleasures of life today.

Patty said...

So true, so true. Thankfully, I've never tried the last one. Think I'll leave that off of my list of things to do before I die... or at least wait until I'm unable to care for myself anyways and want to be horrible to my caretaker!!

Mama D said...

Patty, I might be your caregiver at some point, so don't be mean! (Besides, from what I've seen, it will be as hard for you to need that kind of personal care as it is for your caregiver!)

Again, Maura, this list is a great read! Thanks for sharing!

Louann and Bari said...

I really like #5- that way I know I'm not the only weird person here. And Heather really needs to see #16. Love it love it.

ANTSYLLI said...

Eric and I were laughing so hard we were crying. Thanks for the smile.

AJ said...

Loved It! I especially love #5 shortly followed by #7. You're not special until you owe someone something. lol

Papa D said...

I was laughing so hard I was grateful I hadn't chosen tonight to do #20.

Dory said...

These are so funny! Thanks for the laugh.